Spiral Splatter

The next game in the Ultimate Clean Up was Spiral Splatter. It’s a speed-puzzle game where you have to manoeuvre a white ball through a maze and while avoiding various other obstacles to varying degrees of complexity. On paper it looks like a relatively straight forward completion, however the reality is that it’s a frustrating pile of garbage.

The aim of the game is to play through loads of levels gaining three stars in each one. Performance is based on speed and it’s relatively unforgiving in terms of how quick you need to be to get three stars. It’s borderline ridiculous in some instances, however it’s still doable as I managed it without losing a controller. But that’s not the worst part of this escapade. I don’t know if it’s just me, but the controls are the most frustrating, over-sensitive and, I swear, inaccurate in any game I’ve played for a while. That’s combined with the fact death comes at the slightest hint of touching a wall or obstacle – in fact, sometimes if you touch the air around the walls you will die anyway. It’s garbage.

Controls-wise you need to use the analogue stick to steer but there is a speed-up button – one you will need to use to get three stars in some levels, but you won’t want to use it as all it does is speed up the dying process.

What was also great was the monumental amount of menu and level glitches that I faced. One such glitch prevented me from being able to complete the level in question. This just showcases the game’s bad mechanics in such a way as to make you want to throw your controller at the television. I was still, however, able to maintain control. However, never have I shouted more in frustration after the continual game fuck ups.

Musically, I’m not sure what they were trying to do with this one but combined with the constant dying, it just adds a severe layer or depression to an already unintentionally depressing experience.

Achievements – 1,000 Points – 18 Achievements

You have to wonder about a game that has achievements for dying over and over again and Spiral Splatter has 4 achievements for progressively dying up to 500 times. This is understandable when going near the walls kills you.

There are 11 stages each comprised of 10 levels and achievements are tied to unlocking stages 2 through 11 and another one for completing the game. The only other thing to do is get 3 stars in every level and this is where the frustration really kicks in. Those repeated deaths and split-second losses become insufferable after stage 3 and only gets worse as the levels get more complicated. However, due to the quick levels, your 70 attempts to complete level 5-6 or whatever, will only take around 5 minutes. Over all levels, this does mount up to a few hours though and unless you are super human, you will unlock the 500 deaths way before the end of the game.

Downloadable Content – N/A

Spiral Splatter is probably one of the worst games I’ve played in a while. I can’t think of any redeeming qualities even if you like puzzle games. There are lots of better games out there of the same genre so steer clear.